Marvel+Beebe-Mulholland


 * JOURNAL 1**

Control, it is sought after in various degrees by all; yet in reality, it is found by no mortal being. Control, all the same, is what I had been in pursuit of, I presume, all my life. As a wife, and a mother, every part of my being wanted to control my surroundings and the behaviors of, at the very least, my husband and children. I was sure if I only tried harder or said it louder, they would do what as I asked of them. I’m not certain how exactly it happened. Possibly it was the myriad of disobedient demonstrations by my three strong willed boys or maybe the endless times my husband purported to agree with my opinions and desires only to do as he wished when my back was turned that I finally came to see that I was not in control nor, would I ever be. I am thankful for the many opportunities that they each have granted me: opportunities to understand that I was not needed nor responsible for keeping the world in motion. Life is easier today knowing that I do not need to concern myself with fixing the world. By giving up my false sense of control over those that I love, I am now free to enjoy them and delight in their differences.